You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize