I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
