I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
