What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
