omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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