How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
