So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
