I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize