his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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