Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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