that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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