Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
