Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
