return my video game
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
