if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
