I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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