its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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