im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
