shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
