so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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