I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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