when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
