I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
