Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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