What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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