Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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