I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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