smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
