My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
