You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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