and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
