That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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