Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
