Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm too high and old for this...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
