my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
