The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
