Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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