So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
