U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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