I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
