Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
