So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
