I got chris browned last night
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My pussy is not your playground.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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