You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
