Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
