I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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