when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
