I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
