so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
