Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
