Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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