My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
