If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
