It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And then he peed in my hair
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
