i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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