I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i will never coherently bang her
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize