i can't believe i had my finger in that
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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