Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
