Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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