I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize