It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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