I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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