sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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