Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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