Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
