I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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