i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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