I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
