the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
