I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
