i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
