I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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