Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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