My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
