I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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