I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My dick has a subreddit
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
