between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
