At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
