She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
