you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You can't just leave with hair like that
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
