Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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