So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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